Saturday, September 3, 2011

How do you go on when everything is turned upside down?

I'm not going to kid around.  I have been absolutely miserable since Jay passed.  I've had little to no appetite for the most part.  My doctor has me on an anti-depressant and Xanax for anxiety.  It's helped some with the crying, but I still break down.  Everyone at work has been wonderful.  They all thought I came back too soon, but financially I didn't have a choice and as it turns out emotionally it was probably the best thing for me because while he's always on my mind, keeping busy helps to keep the hurt away.  I will be starting a grief support group in a couple of weeks.  Luckily my managers are all for it and are working with my schedule to make sure I can attend.

I promised a friend a baby quilt and they are due soon.  So far I've only washed the fabric.  I've yet to press it or cut one piece of it.  I've got to get moving on that.  I think she'll understand when the baby gets there before the quilt.  I'm finding it hard to concentrate on things I used to have fun with.  The games on Facebook that we both enjoyed are now just a colossal waste of time to me.  I haven't farmed, built a city or anything like that since he was in the hospital.  Don't think I ever will again.  I learned the hard way that things can change at the drop of a hat and sitting in front of this computer plowing a made up farm just doesn't cut it any more.  Sorry to all of my Facebook friends who relied on me to gift them things they needed, I just don't have it in me any more.

The colors of the quilt I'm going to be working on are blue and brown (the colors the mothers chose)  I am doing a Hawaiian quilt as one of the mothers was born in Hawaii.  However, I'm using prints instead of solids so I'm hoping all turns out well.  It will definitely be an experience as Hawaiian quilting involves a lot of applique.

I did finish the blanket for Ashley's baby, but I didn't get a picture of it.  At least I don't think I did.  If I find it on the camera, I'll publish it, but it was a basket weave crochet pattern with a through the back loop single crochet border.  I found the pattern online.

I've also got to get back to work on the wolves cross stitch I started as it is intended to be a Christmas present.  It was something we decided on together for his sister and brother-in-law and I have to get it done.

But for now I'm going to go back to scrubbing my kitchen floor.  I'm doing it on my hands and knees with a brush and it looks like new.  More of that keeping busy thing I'm trying to do.  Prayers are helping too.


  1. I'm sorry to hear about Jay passing, I hope that you are healing from that and don't underestimate the power of prayer ;-) Some professional help by way of medicine and therapy are great too, I can personally really recommend that. Good luck!

    1. Thank you for your thoughts. It's coming up on the first year of his passing and I've noticed I've been getting really weepy lately, but I think it's to be expected.

      I found a wonderful grief support group and church and prayer have helped immensely. I've weaned off of the medical side as I started feeling too dopey on it, but sometimes I need something to help me sleep. Not as much as before though so I know I'm pulling through.

      Thank you again.